THE BASTION BOOGER

A true classic... a big, huge, enormous classic.

When a wrestling fan thinks of the worst gimmicks of all time, the name Bastion Booger practically always comes up. Many new fans don't know the exploits of the man who, for many years, was even in the logo of Luca PoiSoN's Hall of Shame, becoming a true symbol of it.

But who is this Bastion Booger? And why is he so trashy?

The Bastion Booger was nothing more than one of the many characters played by poor Mike Shaw, who, as you can well imagine, turned out to be worse than the last! Mike Shaw was a huge man, about 1.80 meters tall and weighing 160 kilograms, which made him a "different" character from the muscular giants who were particularly in vogue at the time: people like Hulk Hogan, Paul Orndorff, Hercules Hernandez had statuesque physiques sculpted like rock. Shaw did not; he made his weight and grotesque appearance his best weapon. Contrary to what many of you think, Mike Shaw was particularly athletic for a man of his size. He was trained by Killer Kowalski, one of the best trainers around (among his illustrious students, we also find a certain Triple H) and took his first steps in the world of Pro-Wrestling in Stampede Wrestling in Calgary, Canada, under the watchful eyes of Stu Hart, father of Bret and Owen Hart. His size and background greatly interested WCW executives, who offered our Mike a contract and a character as unprecedented as it was in bad taste:

NORMAN THE LUNATIC

One of my absolute favorite trash gimmicks because it's so bad it's good! Mike Shaw found himself playing this madman, released by his guardian Theodore Long from the State Hospital where he was hospitalized as mentally impaired. The idea was to create a character similar to George "The Animal" Steele, a sweet madman.

The main characteristic of this gimmick (apart from the ugliness of the costume and the bad taste) was a mysterious key held by Theodore Long, with which he threatened poor Norman to be locked back in one of the psychiatric hospital's containment cells if he didn't behave according to his orders. He was good. So good that he would throw teddy bears to the audience. He was ordered to win the match against the jobber of the moment, and then at the end of the match, he was immediately restrained by State Hospital medical staff who put him back in a straitjacket. As expected, our Norman managed to free himself from the evil Long who held him prisoner and magically transformed into a babyface character: Norman The Maniac. How can a maniac be a babyface? Was "Maniac" short for "Hulkamaniac"? Or "WrestleManiac"? ...The Maniac. OK. Babyface. Alright.

In short, Norman became a character who regularly moved more or less in the upper mid-card of WCW at the time, even managing to challenge "The Nature Boy" Ric Flair for the federation's absolute title in Atlanta. Not bad for a maniac! Subsequently, this experience, the character of Norman was eliminated, and in his place arrived a rude but friendly truck driver:

BIG TRUCKER NORM

The gimmick was based on Shaw's father's real job, who was actually a truck driver. According to WCW bookers, poor Mike Shaw had two jobs to make a living: a truck driver by day and a pro-wrestler by night. Or perhaps he transported the set and the ring from city to city for WCW, which saved so much on staff that they hired a former mental patient with a driver's license as a truck driver!!! Can you imagine such a madman behind the wheel of a huge 18-wheeler on America's highways??? Did WCW ever consider that fans also have a memory??? Big Trucker Norm, contrary to expectations (WHICH ONES?), was not very successful (...strange), and also due to a disagreement between Mike Shaw and Arn Anderson, WCW's head booker at the time, the character was suppressed, and our Mike disappeared from the Atlanta federation's rings. Given his experience in the big business, he even opened his own wrestling school for aspiring truck driver wrestlers of the future... until an important phone call arrived from Stamford, Connecticut...

FRIAR FERGUSON

Vince McMahon. Oh, Vince McMahon... what a visionary! What a genius! What a superb man! His passion for big men is immense. Not to mention characters who dance... those are love at first sight. What to do with poor Mike Shaw? The answer was very simple: transform him into a gigantic dancing friar!! Clear, right???

So our poor Mike Shaw cut his hair like a man of God, put on a monk's robe, and appeared in the ring accompanied by a choir of children's voices, as if he had just stepped out of a monastery. Once in the ring, he drinks blessed wine from his flask (?!), which probably has a strange effect on our monk... and he starts dancing. Yes, dancing. A dancing priest! Hilarious, to say the least. For...like...Vince McMahon and his friends.

Anything else to add? Do we really need to add that the gimmick was soon suppressed and forgotten, as was predictable? Do we need to add that the gimmick was subject to continuous complaints from the Catholic Church in New York??? No, it's enough to add that very soon our dancing priest suddenly became the most grotesque character in WWE history:

THE BASTION BOOGER

What can be said about Bastion Booger that hasn't already been said?

Well, let's start with his appearance: Mike Shaw shaved his head bald and was assigned an atrocious silver costume that highlighted his sexy curves (MMMMBBBBluuaaeeerrrggghhhh!!!!!) and at the same time emphasized his pale skin color, making it look "dirty" or worse, "sick"... Never seen a worse color choice!!! The costume was designed to be "tight." The costume was tight both between his thighs and butt, and especially across the entire upper part of his torso, making his flabby and hairy chest bulge out.

The character was named "The Bastion Booger" and represented a repulsive, poorly dressed, disgusting, perpetually hungry, and... even foul-smelling man! Yes, because not everyone knows that our hero, before his appearances, was also sprayed with a kind of foul-smelling concoction that made him nauseating to everyone around him, including fans and wrestlers.

His entrance music was a composition of nature sounds (various burps and farts...) and he would appear on the scene, sometimes with his fingers in his nose, other times holding something to eat (whole pieces of chicken, pizza, etc.). In the skits he starred in, we also saw him in a more elegant guise while collecting food from garbage bins or while sitting at a table gorging on practically everything!!

Also noteworthy is his legendary finisher, ironically titled "Trip to the Batcave" (literally: trip to the batcave...) did you get the subtlety of the wordplay???. Booger would simply perform it by sitting on his opponent's face, which would be trapped between his putrid, revolting, and disgusting flabby thighs!!!!

The finisher (if we can call it that) was preceded by a dance called the Boog-Dance. Gruesome... not so much for the dance itself, but because it's about to announce that his crappy butt will soon be smeared on the face of that poor unfortunate jobber!!! MY GOD! Stop it!! Make him stop!!

Somehow someone found the Booger character likable, able to attract people and sell tickets for WWE events (because, after all, that's what characters are for, right?)... but strangely they were wrong. The character had only one significant feud in WWE, against Bam Bam Bigelow, during which our Don Juan in farty sauce even managed to kiss the beautiful (ugly) Luna Vachon, unleashing the wrath of the "Beast from the East"! A second-tier story like many others, but the kiss he managed to steal from Vachon was one of the main moments of Bastion Booger's career!

The Bastion Booger was subsequently fired from the federation for not showing up at the 1994 Royal Rumble due to health problems... and so ends the career of one of the strangest and most convoluted characters in WWE history.

Our friend Mike Shaw reappeared during the fifteenth-anniversary episode of Monday Night RAW as Bastion Booger. I remember when I saw the episode I was shocked, like seeing the return of Macho Man or some other legend in the WWE ring! Our legend was in the ring with other extravagant characters (among whom I also point out the legendary Abe "Knuckleball" Schwartz) and was even mocked by Triple H... the purpose of the whole skit was to present what, according to "WWE Continuity," would be Bastion Booger's real son: Big Dick Johnson!!!!

That was Mike Shaw's last public appearance; he passed away at the age of 53 due to a heart attack on September 11, 2010... on these pages, he will always be remembered as he deserves, with respect and fondness, as a classic, a legend, an emblem of the Hall of Shame: the one and only (thank God!) Bastion Booger!!!!

MIKE SHAW - R.I.P. 1957-2010